Some untimely Mikey J jokes by me

• He died because he fell out of his oxygen tent
• When the paramedics were trying to resuscitate him, they were signing 'wanna be starting something'
• He couldn't bare the fact that he was finally going to tell us what mamasaymamasarmamasocsay means
• It's sad that he had an addiction to prescription drugs and couldn't beat it
• He'd been black, he'd been white, and decided he just couldn't live his life being a colour
• I know how drugs make me feel, but he had to keep having more to feel that way

• He couldn't remember the time he had his last dose, unfortunately

And of course the obligatory joke about his alleged kiddie love:

What time is it at the Neverland ranch when it's bed time?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

Things I've learnt about having a child. Pt 1

I've decided to impart my knowledge of child birth to you all, as I am an expert. I'm writing up my thoughts on being a dad and having a child. I'll post them up where when I feel like it, and when I've completed them - enjoy (that's an order!).

Part 1 - It's not that hard

Some people complain about having a child. I'm a man, so it's doubtful I'll have to squeeze a watermelon out the eye of my cock (the Jap's eye, if you will), but really, with modern medicine it's a piece of piss for ladies today. We had a Caesar which wasn't that hard for me at all. And easier than a natural birth. I had to sit (one of my favourite things) and be supportive. I am fucking great at that! 20 minutes later, my daughter arrived. Easy. It's so easy, that the week before we were booked in for the Caesar, my partner went to the Royal Melbourne Show, with my parents, my sister and her son. Pregnancy can't have been too much of a drama!

There you go boys, when your missus is pregnant and complaining, about what you've done to her use that one as precedent. Say: I know a bloke on the internet whose missus went to the Royal Melbourne Show five days before she gave birth. What are you complaining about? Harden up!

Guaranteed to go down like a cup of cold sick with a pubic hair on the edge. At least you'll be remembered.

More to come.

2008 - 2009 is a year

Not since I started to Blog, that's a long time ago, and it's all quality here!

No, since I left the shit PACIA and started where I am now*. It also means that in the last year the following has happened:

New job
Mortgage
Baby

Here's a photo of the little one:


There would be a few hard core people who would have this in a year, but not that many. It's all a bit weird really when I look back on it. Oh well, wouldn't change a thing - except perhaps the number of times, I've said 'would' in this post.

BTW it's my birthday tomorrow as well. Happy 39 to me. Nearly 40, time to look at a red Porsche I think.


*it's actually more than a year, as they finished me up early, which is what they should have done to the cunt Carlos Santin so he couldn't seek his revenge on the world for him being a cockhead with a rather large chip on his shoulder.
I've also since heard that Marrianne Pearce has left too. She was a divisive, know it all, incompetent, trouble maker. Truth be told she was only employed because the other applicant was shit. Second place to a simpleton. Nice work.
The good news is that there is a special dung heap in hell for the likes of her and Carlos, I hope you enjoy it. You fucking cunts. These things have a way of coming back at you, and I know that one application Carlos put in was knocked back because of his sterling reputation. Hopefully, more to come for the both of them.

I promise the next post won't be so bitter.