Stupid thing I did once

One Friday afternoon, my offsider and I were bored.

He was wasting time looking at a dating site. We decided to put up a profile. The profile will remain nameless, but it was an ace name. We gave him attributes like, listening, shopping, bathing, person upkeep, mentioned that his favourite movie was Terms of Endearments (fuck that was a sad film) and other such rubbish. Our aim was to make him the most appealing man a woman could get.

We couldn’t get a photo of ourselves and load that up as it would be pretty obvious to anyone who knows either of us, that we aren’t this bloke. However, we were toying with the idea of taking a photo of a worker from the building site we were on and using him as the person. We didn’t though, as I think we might have been punched up.

Anyway, we put the profile up, set up a hotmail address and waited. Soon we got a few emails. These poor women must need men. I was single for a while, and I think that chicks are a bit too fussy. Some of them can be very superficial as well. I’m over that shit now, but fuck, you log onto those sites and there are a lot of single ladies out there (so I’m told, honey).

What’s up with women today? I think they want too much. It’s the same with many things; they have been allowed to get away with too much. Blokes are the same. When I was 18 I went to a university in the country. Christ I learnt a lot very quickly. I was straight out of an all boy’s school and thrown in with 11 other people from across Victoria. How’s that! I had no idea then. And I think it is the same for most people today. They stay at home for too long and don’t get to experience the things that I did. I’m not saying that it was all good and above board, but I, generally, had a good time.

I’m told that the women on the site want ‘soul mates’ and ‘no game players’. Here’s a tip ladies, blokes aren’t into that. At least not the people I used to hang around with. I’ve always been more of a beer-in-the-public-bar kind of guy than a night clubber or anything else. Women need to get into these places, as there is a wealth of single men in these places.

Nightclubs are shit. At least they were about 10 years ago when I last went into one. The local public bar has lots of interesting people, and they are probably more honest and reliable than those you meet in a night club. I met my partner of 8+ years in a hotel, and we are still going strong. Sure you might get to meet a few drunks with their arses hanging out, but they will be pretty decent to you and you will enjoy yourself.

It’s fun in hotels. I’ve been in them for a long time. Now I’ve graduated onto a club, but the principle is basically the same. When we used to associate with some of my partner’s friends, the females used to belt on constantly about their ‘failed relationships’ and how hard it is to find a man.

Pull your head in. It’s probably you.

You’re too fussy and looking in the wrong places. And you’re not getting any younger. You won’t meet a decent man at the gym. Some ponce who shaves his chest – yes. A man who will impress you with his drinking ability – no!

There you go sister. Get into the pub, order a pot, put a bet on the greyhounds, and meet a few lonely men. There are lots there. They are nice and clean, up for a chat, and ready for love. Get into it girls, you need to break out of your normal routine and get into something different. You go girl!